; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
