I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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