Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
