Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
