Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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