I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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