If that was your dad, he is hot
This girl is more easily done than said...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
