Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
