Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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