God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize