YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
