I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The struggles of a small town man whore
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
