I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
