dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
