it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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