Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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