it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
