I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
