If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
