Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
look no pants
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms