Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

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(513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

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(401): so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator http://tfl.nu/bvrd

Replies (42) Good night (707) Bad night (7120) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.

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(503): I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't. http://tfl.nu/gt6v

Replies (6) Good night (3953) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.

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(336): I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing. http://tfl.nu/tg4w

Replies (12) Good night (6034) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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(718): View more from New York

you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.

(917): View more from New York City

i told you we never speak of that again

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(718): you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something. (917): i told you we never speak of that again http://tfl.nu/ijex

Replies (14) Good night (1023) Bad night (4235)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

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(919): Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform." http://tfl.nu/nw1x

Replies (11) Good night (5247) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
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(707): View more from California

He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".

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(707): He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute". http://tfl.nu/z3mu

Replies (29) Good night (1714) Bad night (3228)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."

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(216): Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect." http://tfl.nu/19ko

Replies (9) Good night (2956) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
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(760): View more from California

Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

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(760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it! http://tfl.nu/qsog

Replies (10) Good night (2101) Bad night (483)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

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(704): Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor. http://tfl.nu/wceh

Replies (9) Good night (3562) Bad night (862)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO

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(402): THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO http://tfl.nu/qx0l

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(516): View more from New York

Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.

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(516): Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy. http://tfl.nu/8uc8

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(443): View more from Maryland

I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.

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(443): I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon. http://tfl.nu/atl9

Replies (10) Good night (1825) Bad night (347)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.

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(709): I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper. http://tfl.nu/1tdu

Replies (6) Good night (361) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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(320): View more from Minnesota

What happened to my face?

(715): View more from Wisconsin

You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

It was impressive.

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(320): What happened to my face? (715): You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake. (715): It was impressive. http://tfl.nu/9g5g

Replies (3) Good night (942) Bad night (228)

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