T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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