He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?