He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.