i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
