they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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