she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
