Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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