Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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