The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
