Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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