4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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