um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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