she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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