I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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