I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
