I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
