i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
