I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
