We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize