This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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