i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
