so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
