i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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