You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
