that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
