Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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