I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
