I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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