I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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