Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
