I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
