You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
