I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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