just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
