I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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