I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
