Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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