his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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