Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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