There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
