Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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