You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
