Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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